The area we live in is a nice suburb riddled with pot and alcohol. My brother thinks it’s because we live in the boonies, but I’m pretty sure it’s the same everywhere, although I haven’t brought up kids anywhere else. I find myself to be the proud owner of a breathalyzer, and many CVS home drug screen kits. Just what I always wanted. I’m not a saint, and I’ve done my share of experimentation in my youth, but when it’s your kid it’s very different. And illegal.
Alex had the day off today, and was home doing homework at the dining room table when I got off work. I brought us home some Indian take-out, because dinner is going to be late tonight. We sat down for a munch. Alex was in a nice, chatty, Columbus Day off, sort of mood.
“You guys sort of have the reputation among the kids of being super strict controlling scary nut jobs,” said Alex, while dipping a piece of fried cauliflower in onion chutney.
“That’s really sweet,” I said.
“No. I mean, I always take up for you guys and all,” said Alex.
“Gee. You’re too kind.”
Alex sighed. “I’m trying to be nice, here,” he said.
“Yes. I can see that.” I said.
Alex took a big bite of a tandoori chicken leg and sighed with happiness. “You never let me get to the good parts,” he said.
“OK. I’ll shut up,” I promised, crossing my fingers under the table.
“Well,” said Alex. “The other day my friends and I were talking about parents. We laughed about how kooky everyone thinks you guys are.” (Hardy, har, har.) “And we decided that in point of fact, you guys are only trying to be good parents. Actually, you’re probably the normal ones.”
I almost choked on a piece of Jasmine rice. I kept my face carefully blank as Alex finished his plate and let out a happy belch. “Thanks, Mom!” he said, and went back to the dining room.
I spent a silent moment looking at my plate and feeling a rare moment of parental satisfaction. Really rare. Rare as in never heard before and probably never will hear again. Where are tape recorders when you need them? I guess there are always blogs.
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I totally support what Alex said. You are a great pseudo mommy, and I’m positive an amazing real one as well.
I’ve felt the same thing a few times with my [real] parents- Yeah, they can be all controlling, but they never do it “just because.” It’s not really parenting if you say no just to say no, or just let your kids do what they want, even if it includes illegal and/ or harmful things. That’s just being a bipolar honey badger… And no one likes when honey badgers go into manic states…
I once met a badger up close. It was really vicious and crazy. Now I realize it was manic. It all comes together…
Maybe there’s a maturity level kids reach when they’re resigned to parents saying no and really making rules. I wish my kids were like you, and reached it at age 5. Sigh.
A great Indian restaurant: are you sure you are in the boonies?
I am impressed with all of your drug testing paraphernalia. I am taking notes. I aspire to be a controlling, freaky, nut job of a parent. We have to take our children’s compliments any way we can get them. Savor it as long as you can.
Good point. At least we have Indian food. How boony can that be?
I’ll save my breathalyzer for you. It’s police quality.
Yay Alex! When my kids would do things like this, i always called it “Paying Rent”… because without the occasional bit of encouragement from them, it was entirely possible i’d ship them to military boarding school…
That is the perfect name for it. Unfortunately, this is the first time Alex has ever paid his rent, and the check for military school is already in the mail.
I bet these parents wish they’d had some of your drug testing paraphernalia
http://www.smh.com.au/national/14yearold-boy-arrested-in-bali-20111006-1lbey.html
12 years in prison? They can just send him to me. It will feel like prison.
It’s so cool when young persons discover lateral thinking. Even nicer when parental figures are exhonerated for their sensibleness as a result. Hoorays all round.
I think he was possessed by a pod. I hope the pod stays. I was way sick of the real thing.
Missed you! Glad you are back!!
Thanks, Tricia!
Robin,
You of all people know that kids love discipline, whether they complain or not.
I have seen kids without any who do anything just to get their parents’ attention.
He gave you an awesome comment! I’m sure he feels that way all the time but doesn’t want to discuss it cause it’s all mushy and stuff. Lol.
I couldn’t believe it. I felt like I had entered Bizarroland. I liked Bizarroland. I wish I could stay there forever. Reallifeland – not so much.
Awww…how sweet. Nice compliment.
The whole drug thing is everywhere. I live in town (in the boonies) and it’s all over here. My son is sick of hearing me list all the reasons why he should never use drugs. As soon as I open my mouth, he rolls his eyes and says, “I know! I know.”
It’s awful. There needs to be more for teenagers to do in the boonies. What about torturing animals? How did that get so out of fashion?
Well ain’t that a trip? It’s cool that he is occasionally willing to recognize this. This level of introspection never occurs until later does it?
Sometimes my kids will say to me, “you’re a great Dad.” And then I wonder what they want. But they don’t seem to want anything, so then I suspect alternative motives and request additional information, like what make’s me any better than any of the other Dads? I usually get answers like, “you play video games with us,” or “you listen to the same music we do,” or “you actually go to my soccer games.” The best one, though, was “you’re weird.” Thanks kids. Apparently all the other parents are normal. Of course, I always respond with, “everyone’s weird, it’s just a matter of how much.” To this, I get, “yeah, but you’re really weird.”
Weird is apparently cool.
Maybe he was high at the time. That would explain it.
You do sound like a cool dad! Your kids are lucky. The same music? Oh, you’re a brave, brave man. Or you’re going prematurely deaf. You might want to have that checked.
It’s so satisfying when your kids give you credit for being halfway reasonable, isn’t it?
We’re lucky in that our kids are friends with people whose parents are total druggies, racists, rabid homophobic types, alcoholics, or Bible-thumping Christians. We can’t help but look good next to them.
First I had to identify the unknown feeling, and then I felt satisfied.
I’ll bet you look good next to anyone, Babe.