Parking Lot Rage

My son, Alex, wanted to have friends over tonight, so I stopped at Wal Mart to pick up soda and snacks.  The parking lot was crowded, (like always), and I cruised the lot until I saw someone backing out on my left.  I waited with my blinker on.  When the person backed out, someone in a white van zoomed up, but their blinker on, and started to turn into the space.  I bore down on my horn.  Warning.  My spot.  I was waiting.  You must go away.

The white van stopped pulling in, drove up to my car, the driver side window lowered, and a woman started screaming at me.  She was a 30 something-ish blond woman who looked a little like the Jon and Kate chick, but without the freaky hairdo.  I didn’t put down my window.  Who wants to hear someone yelling at you?  I just made a “move it along” gesture.  You know.  Thumb out, hitch hiking style.  She gave me the finger as I pulled into the spot.  She waited in her van until I got out of the car.

“I didn’t see you waiting!” she screamed.  “Did I pull into the spot?  No!  I didn’t!  You didn’t have to wave your finger!”

“It was my thumb,” I explained.  “Thumbs aren’t bad.  It just meant, ‘Move on and stop yelling’.  You’re the one with the middle finger action.”

“I didn’t know you were waiting, you bitch!” she yelled.

“It’s OK,” I said.  “That’s why I beeped.  There’s no problem here.”

Two Hispanic teens leaned out of the passenger window of the car next to me.  They had been listening gleefully to the entire exchange.  (Hey!  So would I!  Who wouldn’t?)

“You should hit her!” one of the girls advised me.

“She disrespected you,” the other one said.

“She’s just an annoying person,” I said.  “It’s not worth hitting her.  If I hit every annoying person, I’d hurt my hand.”

“That’s true,” the first girl said.

I could end this post here, and make it look like I took the high road, but I feel compelled to tell the truth.  I went into Walmart and got my stuff, and on the way to the cash register, the blond woman came towards me down my aisle, looking stonily straight ahead, trying to avoid me.

As I passed her I said, “One day someone’s going to pop you one in the face.”

I couldn’t help myself.  Deep down I’m a baaaaad girl.  My only regret is that I used the word “one” twice in the sentence.