Comedy Act

I’ve been sifting through comedy topics for my new act Friday night at Open Mike Night, and I read a couple out loud for Adam.  He rejected my “dental hygienist is a Nazi” theme.  I read lines out loud to him and he looked at me stoney faced.

Here was my opening:

“My life just keeps getting weirder and weirder.  I just found out that my dental hygienist is a Nazi.

I’ve suspected this for a while.  After she cleans my teeth, she sticks her head out into the hallway and yells for the dentist.  (German accent.)  Dr. Schmidt!  Juden room 2!  Come see the inhuman scum!”

Adam just looked at me.

“Come on,” I said, giggling.  That was funny!

“No.  It wasn’t.”

“You have no sense of humor, and you’re a dick,” I said. ( I take criticism well.)

“Try something else,” he suggested.

I pulled up a 3 minute routine I did on “middle aged sex” at Helium in Philadelphia.  He cracked up.  “It’s good!” he said.  Then he suggested a joke about using a c pap machine during sex.  Drat.  It was funny.

“But people I know are going to see me!” I whined.  Helium is pretty anonymous.  I can be as crass as I want there. “And I have to come up with new material to make it longer!”

Adam picked up the newspaper – the universal sign that says, “I’m sick of this conversation.  Time to go.”

So, I’m working on it.  I hope none of my patients’ parents come to the show.  Maybe I’ll disguise myself.

If you have any funny observations on the absurdity of middle aged sex, please let me know.  I’ll put you in my act.  You’ll be a star!