Daddy Dartboard

During my first year of college, my father put his face on the Xerox machine at work, and sent me the picture of his face.  Hey!  At least it wasn’t his ass.  I hung it on the wall and drew concentric rings on it as a joke.  Everyone on my dorm floor called the picture “Daddy Dartboard”.  In fact, they started referring to my dad as “Daddy Dartboard”.  I think they forgot his name after a while.

When the song “Valley Girl” came out, my dad would get on the phone with my friends and do a horrifying Valley Girl imitation.  He just couldn’t get enough of saying, “Gag me with a spoon!”  During that phase, my friends called him “Valley Dad”.

All of my life, my dad told me that if someone asks you for a match, be sure to say, “Yes!  My ass and your face!”  I went to a horror movie with my dad in college, and as we were standing outside the theater waiting to get in, a huge guy with multiple tatooes turned to me and asked, “Got a match?”

I said, “Er. . . no.  Sorry.”  My dad went nuts.  “I groomed you for that your whole life, you moron!” he yelled, laughing all the while.

Here’s my dad sitting in our TV room with Tiger, looking like a demon dog, above his head:

Here’s my dad looking sort of professorial (and cross eyed for some reason):

Here’s my dad holding his newest grandchild, my brother’s son Nathaniel:

I just love my Daddy.