I just committed to the Berks County Mental Health Association’s fundraising event on July 27. Perhaps I should be committed. It will be at a great restaurant/lounge in town called “Chill”. Various people in the community are being asked to be “Chilltenders”. They will raise money for donations to the Mental Health Association before the event and during the event. They’ll also make drinks that night.
I volunteered to be the “Mistress of Ceremonies” for the night. I’ve never done anything like this. Sure, I’ve run naked down the street at noon – hasn’t everyone? But I’ve never been a Jerry Lewis type person.
Here’s my plea – I need psychiatry jokes. Anything you’ve got. I’ll start you off . . .
A farmer is talking to his horse, and says, “Gus, you’ve been a good horse for the most part. You’re gentle and hardworking. Sometimes you balk a bit in the morning, but you quickly get in the groove of things. . .”
The horse interrupts. “I said ‘feedbag’, not ‘feedback’, you idiot.”
Bring on the jokes. Pretty please.
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June 14, 2009 at 10:38 pm |
1.Neurotics build castles in the sky.
Psychotics live in them.
Psychiatrists collect the rent.
2. Two psychiatrists pass in the hall. The first says, “Hello.” The other thinks, “I wonder what he meant by that.”
3. A psychiatrist, who was just starting out, advertised his clinic as follows: “Satisfaction guaranteed or your mania back.”
Psst…here’s a hint Robin: simply GOOGLE “psychiatry jokes” — as I did. Above are some of the ones I enjoyed. (maybe you can get a non-blog audience to enjoy them too.)
June 14, 2009 at 10:51 pm |
Robin, you’ll be great at that gig. I bet you can just adlib your way through it. Honestly, you are so great at just plain old regular funny conversation. This gig is made for you.
June 14, 2009 at 11:12 pm |
Have fun, Robin! You’ll do great!
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.
To the first mom, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turns to the third mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, “Come on, Dick, we’re leaving.”
June 15, 2009 at 12:29 am |
Well, I unfortunately don’t have any jokes in that field, which is odd seeing how I am a Psychology major. Come to think of it, I have never had anyone tell me one. Good luck on your hunt and , by the way, you have a great blog.
June 15, 2009 at 12:31 am |
Sorry, I have no jokes for you–but those ones above are hilarious. Good luck with the gig. I know you’ll do great.
June 15, 2009 at 1:15 am |
Two psychiatrists pass one another in the hallway:
“Good morning, how am I?”
“You’re fine, how am I?”
June 15, 2009 at 8:37 am |
Ha! These are funny! The name of the place reminded me of Ibis’ favorite new expression — Chillax. I stupidly told him about it (it’s in Twilight) and now he won’t stop using it. I’ve threatened to make him watch the movie if he won’t stop, and that usually curbs it for awhile.
The closest thing I know to a psychiatry joke is his ex-wife. She’s off her rocker, yet specializes in divorce (she’s a psychiatrist). Hmm.
June 15, 2009 at 10:38 am |
Pearl: Good ones! I like to hear what people like, so that I know what they think is funny. I’m going to use all of yours! Thank you!
June 15, 2009 at 10:56 am |
Polly: Thanks, buddy! I think this will entail a lot of ad libbing. I don’t like ad libbing. I like memorizing a routine and delivering it. But you’re right. If I just thought of it as making funny conversation, I could probably do it. Change of attitude on it’s way. . .
June 15, 2009 at 10:57 am |
Amy: I’m using it! You rock!!!
June 15, 2009 at 10:58 am |
mamaneeds2rant: You don’t have psychiatrist jokes at your fingertips at all times? How unusual! (Notice that I don’t, either.)
June 15, 2009 at 11:02 am |
Eric: Thanks for visiting! Hey, as a psychology major, you’re in dire need of shrink jokes. People will expect it of you. I usually tell the horse one, or the “Freudian Slip” joke. (My mom hates it, so I can’t tell it on the internet. Sigh.)
June 15, 2009 at 11:25 am |
gohere:http://www.workjoke.com/psychologists-and-psychiatrists-jokes.html
June 15, 2009 at 11:28 am |
Melanie: A crazy psychiatrist ex-wife who specializes in divorce. . .I’m trying to come up with something worse, but I’m drawing a blank.
June 15, 2009 at 2:46 pm |
Running naked down the street at noon? You really must tell that story…not on the night you’re mistress of ceremonies, but here on your blog!
I’ve got no jokes for you, but I’ll consult my uncle. He’s the master of all tasteless humor.
-FringeGirl
June 15, 2009 at 7:12 pm |
I’ve got nothing. I suck at telling jokes and I’ve got a goldfish’s memory. But based on that horse joke, please, you won’t need any help. And if the jokes fall flat, you could always revert to your streaking ways…Srsly, down the street at noon?
June 15, 2009 at 8:34 pm |
FringeGirl: I’m kidding about running down the street naked. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy. It would only be humane to do that in the Perkins School for the Blind (which happens to be right near the house where I grew up).
I think your uncle sounds like my father-in-law. We might be related.
June 15, 2009 at 8:35 pm |
mrsbear: Liked the horse joke, huh? That’s my personal favorite. If I streak in the bar, it will empty out really quickly, believe me.
June 16, 2009 at 3:29 am |
I love all these jokes. And I’m kicking myself that I can’t think of a good one…
June 16, 2009 at 7:55 pm |
Mary: No need to kick yourself! With a psychiatrist joke and a quarter, you could buy a cup of coffee.
June 20, 2009 at 11:26 am |
You don’t need jokes, just tell some stories like you did at John’s roast. That was hilarious!!!
June 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm |
When people find out I’m a psychiatrist, they’ll ask, “Oh, so have you been analyzing me this whole time?” I respond (as my husband slinks away), “Why? Do you think if I were a proctologist I’d want to look up your ass?”
It’s actually no joke, but what I really say.
June 21, 2009 at 11:07 am |
Goodmum: Even without a space bar, you’re helpful!
June 21, 2009 at 11:08 am |
Carole: You’re such a good friend!
June 21, 2009 at 11:10 am |
Queen: You should follow that up by actually trying to look up their ass. That would show ‘em!