Well, I am an embarrassed little Robin. I’ve fallen behind in my blog reading (sorry bloggy friends), and my blog writing. And I still feel behind. Want an update? Sure you do! Here are dumb things I have to do. . .
1) Go through the boys’ Bar Mitzvah pictures, and pick out enough for an album. To give you an idea of how freaking ridiculous this is – you have a bar mitzvah when you’re 13. Kevin is now 16. Just shoot me.
2) Work up a comedy routine for Open Mike Night at the Reading Comedy Outlet on July 10. I have 2 weird ideas poking around in my brain. The first is, what if my dental technician was a Nazi? She might stick the ultra sound cleaning device up my vagina. She might have have a cover for the spot lamp made of human skin.
The second idea is about how dumb medicine is getting. Blue Cross Blue Shield made an announcement that they will no longer pay for a surgeon taking off the wrong limb or removing the wrong organ. Seriously, truth is funnier than fiction.
3) I’ve been asked to be the master of ceremonies at a fund raising event for mental health at a really nice lounge in the area, that sells drinks and sushi and yummy appetizers. I can go on stage and talk about my vagina, but I feel shy about this. Go figure.
4) I’m working on my cooking, trying to make low fat food taste good. It’s not easy. As a general rule, if it tastes good it has fat in it. My father coined that saying. He’s a friggin’ genius.
Tonight I made steamed halibut wrapped in spinach and flavored with minced garlic, chopped dill, lemon zest, paprika, and no fat Italian dressing. The salad was seedless watermelon and feta cheese with an olive oil, lime juice and serrano chile dressing. Sound good? Well it was. It only took 87 hours to make. At this rate, we’ll all eat really well, but I’ll have to quit my job and stop taking showers.
I go to catch up on my blog reading. Be back soon! Right after I raise a chicken, kill it, pluck it, and marinate it in a low fat viniagrette.
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June 9, 2009 at 11:10 pm |
Okay, after that meal description I want you to know you’re in serious trouble, because you’re eating at my house Saturday night. I hope you like boiled hotdogs.
I am THRILLED that you are doing open mike night, and I was thinking of ding the same. I wonder if there are still openings. I have some Jon and Kate stuff I’d like to do.
Be careful with that Nazi dentist. I hear they pull all the gold out of their patients’ mouths. (Hey, you went to human skin, so I just had to go there.)
June 10, 2009 at 1:44 am |
When I was a student, I went to a dental clinic that was virtually free because the ‘dentists’ were really students. I got the sweetest, nicest guy for my ‘dentist’, but bless him, he was German and a little clumsy. My imagination started going wild on me; I felt so bad for him. Hope he got some of his hearing back…
After that dinner description, you’re welcome to eat over here too; my husband’s easy-peasy pasta for dinner sound okay, or shall we have defrosted kebabs on a bed of instant rice?
June 10, 2009 at 8:33 am |
“‘dentist’, but bless him, he was German and a little clumsy. My imagination started going wild on me”
Ewww, remember the Dustin Hoffman movie Marathon Man?
Yikers!
June 10, 2009 at 10:19 am |
Mmm… that sounds good. Another trick with eating healthy is finding foods with strong flavors, like balsamic vinegar. Add that to your dressing and you will not be lacking flavor.
I can’t believe you’re too shy to talk about your vagina in a swanky lounge. What’s wrong with you?!??
And I’ve yet to even start putting together my wedding album. It’ll be three years in August. Oops.
June 10, 2009 at 11:06 am |
Hilarious post, as usual.
That fish dish does sound delish. (oh, I hear overtures of Dr. Seuss just about now.)
I can relate to the bar mitzvah pics on some level; my son will be 14 on Saturday and we still have to pick our pics taken last August.
Related to that, I have not put a single pic in an album since that said child was 1 1/2 years old. There have been two children born since! I keep the pics in their photo envelopes and put those envelopes in supermarket bags. It is a sore spot with my husband who offers to show people pics of my kids when they were young: “Do you want to see the Sobey’s pics or the Shopper’s Drug Mart pics or the Superstore pics…?” (referencing the bags they’re in…scattered throughout the house.)
June 10, 2009 at 7:21 pm |
You’re cracking me up.
Is all this healthy eating working for you? Your father is right, fat is good. In fact I may paint that saying on my kitchen wall!
-FringeGirl
June 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm |
You are the absolute coolest, Robin. No contest.
Good luck with the comedy routine, the cooking, and the master of ceremonies!
June 10, 2009 at 9:54 pm |
Polly: Oh, do Open Mike Night! Pllleeeease!!!! We’ll have so much fun!
That damn Nazi had to go and shoot up the Holocaust museum, and now I feel too guilty to use that shtick. What a bastard. Not only does he shoot people, but he wrecks my act. That’s downright mean.
June 10, 2009 at 9:56 pm |
Mary: I’ll take easy-peasy pasta, please. Any way you could soak it in some nice butter? Do they sell frozen kebabs in Turkey? That’s sort of cool. Get it? Cool! Hahahahaha! I’m glad you can’t shoot me from Turkey.
June 10, 2009 at 9:58 pm |
Melanie: I love you even more for not putting together your wedding album after 3 years. That makes me so happy.
Adam is convincing me to do the M.C. thing. Maybe I’ll just talk about other people’s vaginas.
June 10, 2009 at 10:00 pm |
Pearl: Oh, you guys make me so happy!!!! I was seriously thinking something was wrong with me. When you put off something for so long, it becomes daunting. This weekend. I swear. We’ll do it together. Kay?
June 10, 2009 at 10:03 pm |
FringeGirl: It’s so true. That’s why you have to try so hard with this low fat, fiber filled, healthy crap. Melanie is so right. If you don’t make the taste super strong, after dinner everyone browses the kitchen cabinets looking for fat. So you have to chop chop chop. I’m going to chop my stupid fingers right off.
June 10, 2009 at 10:04 pm |
Spy: Thank you so much! Yet, I fear the only reason you think I’m cool is that you’ve never met me in person. I’m about as cool as vomit. I’ve met bodily excretions cooler than me.
June 15, 2009 at 7:26 pm |
I’m behind on my blogging too since the kids have been out of school. Luckily I don’t have to come up with any clever comedy routines, the way my brain has been working, I’d get rotten tomatoes thrown at me. Do people still even throw rotten tomatoes? And yes, fat IS good. Wrap anything in bacon or deep fry it and it’s instant culinary genius…although your low fat stuff sounds good too.
June 15, 2009 at 8:40 pm |
mrsbear: You have way more of an excuse. You’re basically running a camp. In fact, I’m considering sending both Kevin and Alex your way. I am doing a crappy job keeping them occupied. I basically shove money at them for the pool and say things like, “Riding your bike is good for you.” They’re probably at home sucking on a crack pipe when I’m not here.